Being at school, I have classes, homework, work, extra curricular stuff, and friends to distract me from giving too much thought to the things that are bothering me. I'm constantly on the go, or surrounded by people to take my mind off of things. At home, I spend a lot of time by myself, and I just have way too much time to think about things.
I've been sitting here, thinking about the stupid boy. At school, all my friends tell me not to think about him, or they tell me all the reasons why he doesn't deserve me, or why it's not right to be with him. And all of those reasons make sense, and it reinforces my decision to cut all ties with him. At home, my friends don't care to ask what's going on, or say that I shouldn't talk to him. All they say is "wow..that sucks...I don't know what you should do.."
Ultimately, I know its my decision, and that I have to stay strong in not talking to him. But its just easier when people are supporting you and telling you that you made the right decision. I don't really feel anything for anyone right now. I guess that's why I'm thinking about him...cuz that last time I felt any emotion for anyone was with him. I just feel numb to everything, the only emotion that seeps in is pain and anger. And I don't want to feel like this. I'm not okay, and I don't know how to make everything right again.
I feel like I'm slowly closing myself up. I don't want anyone getting close to me for a while, because taking the risk of letting people in means taking the risk of getting really hurt. And I can't take being hurt anymore. All I want to do is sleep all day, because when you sleep, you can't actively think about things, and I just can't think anymore. It seems like everything is coming down on me all at once...I guess that's what happens when you block things out...
A friend won't talk to me. We've been through so much in the past 2 years, and he won't talk to me. Yes, I didn't have much tact in saying what I said, but what I said is true. Why is it that people get genuinely mad and shut you out when you tell them something about themselves that they don't want to hear?
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To answer your last question people get mad because the truth hurts and they just don't want to hear it. Sometimes people don't reflect on themselves or don't even realize their own problems and when you point it out to them they feel judged but don't even stress that. If this friend is your real friend they will come around and if not then their goes your answer. As far as the boy is concerned I know exactly how you feel. It sucks when you don't have the support system. But what I try and do is that when I don't have a support system I quickly constantly remind myself of why i did stop talking to whom ever i stopped talking to & that gets me back to the point of staying strong and continuing my growth. I don't know what it is with guys around or age but they are just mentally challenged at this point. They don't know how to make a decision and stick to it. I would say that you might want to focus on Samantha and making yourself happy. Do things that you love & focus on making yourself a stronger, better person because in the end you should be your #1 & everything and everyone else should come after. It should be this way up until the day you have kids & currently we are in college so it's time to focus on us. If you ever feel too down and need some support don't be afraid to hit me up I am here and you def have the #. Love ya. STAY STRONG BOO.
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