The Differences

In every aspect of our lives, we are taught that everyone is different. We learn about it in school, hear it from our parents and relatives, and see it for ourselves in every day life. Everyone makes different choices, wears different clothes, listens to different music, has different opinions, sees the world differently, etc. A person's views, personality, and looks set them apart from others. But something that I have come to realize quite recently is that our fears also set us apart from others.

Fear is one of the biggest motivations for anyone. Whether it is steering you away or to something, it is steering you nonetheless. And the really unique thing about fear is that sometimes you can't quite pin point what you're afraid of; sometimes it's just a feeling you get.

I'll tell you all a story if you have the patience to sit and read what I know will turn out to be an excessively long blog, although, I doubt anyone will be reading this but me since I've noticed that my longer blogs get no attention from my followers.

Once upon a time, there was a little girl who was truly fearless; she would explore by herself or with her peers, she would climb trees and hills and to the tops of roofs by the time she was 7. She wore whatever she wanted, sang on the top of her lungs, danced whenever and where ever she wanted, and didn't regard the opinions of others when she chose to do something. She was also fearless in love; if she had a crush on a boy, she made it known.
15 years later: that fearless child grew into a fearful adult. She was sassy and sarcastic, as well as open. She was kind, never without a smile, and always willing to help others. Some called her fearless in her attempts at love. She still wore what she wanted, and explored, but she wasn't fearless anymore. Those 15 years, and the events that occurred within them, changed her. People gravitated toward her; she held a presence that couldn't readily be explained. She had a good life despite all of the horrid events she was forced to endure, and people admired her more for it. One day, she found herself lost in her own life. She understood the order of things, and what was expected of her, and where her life was supposed to lead, but she felt uneasy. There was something unsettling about her life that she could never put her finger on. She realized that everything in her life, everyone in her life, had changed her. Some for the good, but mostly for the bad. She was the same kind-hearted person she always was and would continue to be, but she was nowhere near the fearless girl she had once been. She felt as if there was something missing or something wrong, and this had been in the back of her mind for years, and then she realized, what was missing was the girl she used to be; the one without so many fears. The ironic part about it was that the people in her life saw her as fearless and confident, while she saw herself as a fearful woman with no confidence to speak of. She thought to herself how cliche it seemed that she felt so alone and so wrong, so out of place when she was with people who thought she fit perfectly.

We all have our fears, and to an extent, they define us. I have gone out of my way to face my "trivial" fears like heights and roller coasters. The fears I have yet to face are the hard ones. A fear of being left behind like a discarded toy a child is done playing with and has no use for. Always waiting for the other shoe to drop. These are the things I don't even know how to begin to face.

The funniest part about my fears is that they're not anything I haven't faced before, but knowing the pain that is involved, and the heart break, that's what I am truly terrified of.