The Rock & The Hard Place

LOL soooo umm...creeper Bill strikes again...as well as a new creeper. I've come to the conclusion that most of the employees at Stop & Shop are creepy as hell!! HAHA

Aside from that...

I've been feeling like I'm in a serious rut. I made a conscious decision to cut people out of my life that shouldn't be in it. If someone puts ZERO effort into our friendship, makes me feel bad about myself, hurts me, or is simply just toxic to my life, they're getting cut out of it. Problem with that is...that's most of my friends from home. So I have about 4 people at home that I would willingly hang out with, and I've been seeing a lot of my Asian (as she is asleep right next to me in the bed) and my bff (we patched things up =]), but not so much of my other 2 friends.
I'm so poor it's disgusting right now. I barely have money to get to work, and I won't get paid until next thursday =/

I want to be 20, and work, get paid, and have a fun summer. But I can't. As much as I find it to be extremely unfair, I have to step up and be the adult in my household. Like I said, my mom and my brother don't have jobs, and as far as I can tell, they aren't actively looking. So it's on my shoulders to pull us through this. I don't even know that I can. There are only so many hours I can work at my job, and only so many hours that they'll give me. I can't just say "fuck it" and do my own thing, as much as I wish that I could. 1. Because I'm not that person, if my family is in trouble, I feel like I have to help. 2. Because I live here too. So if I say fuck it, I'm not going to have a place to live, or food to eat.

I really just feel like I'm starting to break under this pressure. It isn't fair, and I resent it a lot. But there's no easy solution. Yes, they both should be looking for jobs, but there's only so many times I can bother them about finding something, and there's only so many times I can hear "Sam, I've looked, I've applied, there isn't anything." To me, that just seems like "Sam, I've looked/applied at all of the places that I would be willing to work." At this point, you're not too good for any job. Mopping floor, working at McDonalds, whatever pays the bills! But I clearly cannot make them understand that. So for now, I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place.