Thoughts, Questions & Randomness

We constantly talk about changing ourselves, tweaking ourselves, or "fixing" things about us. But it seems that we never stop to think that maybe these flaws are simply in our nature; maybe it's who we are. I've been struggling with finding the line of making healthy changes without changing who I am. I'm an emotional, passionate, driven, stubborn, somewhat insecure person. I have things I'd like to change, but who's to say that's not who and how I'm supposed to be. I guess what I'm saying is that I don't want to tweak and change things to subconsciously fit into the mold of how people are supposed to act.


On a random note...
I'm absolutely obsessed with "Patience" by Nas & Damian Marley
Especially...

Huh, we born not knowing, are we born knowing all?
We growing wiser, are we just growing tall?
Can you read thoughts? can you read palms?
Huh, can you predict the future? can you see storms, coming?

Can you read signs? can you read stars?
Can you make peace? can you fight war?
Can you milk cows, even though you drive cars? huh
Can you survive, Against All Odds, Now?

In a world full of 52 fakers

*The entire song is awesome, but these are the lyrics that really stick with me*

2 faces

I understand that many relationships start through friendship. But my question is...why is it that some people make a relationship out of a friendship and others get stuck in a friend zone where they cannot see the other person as anything more than a friend? Why does this happen? How can it be avoided?
I like someone a lot...and there has been a lot of drama surrounding this person. We had shown interest in each other for like half a second and it got buried underneath all the bullshit. Now, things have calmed down and we're friends. However, I have stronger feelings than just friendship, but I don't want to rush it. I want to give the person their time to be settled, I want to have the patience to wait for the right time, but then I'm also afraid of getting stuck in that friend zone, if I'm not already there. Now, most people would say to just admit my feelings and see where things are, but I am crazy afraid of being vulnerable and rejected, and also I'm afraid of rushing it, especially when we agreed months ago to just see where it goes, or if anything happens. But this was before a lot of drama, so who knows if this person still is interested in me.
This sucks up a whole hell of a lot of time, more than I care to admit. This person is special to me, and most definitely one of a kind. However, I mask all of this and pretend that this person is only a friend. Clearly I'm all mixed up with this one. I'm clear-headed and driven when it comes to other aspects of my life, but my love life is one big confusing mess to me.

To be continued I suppose...