For so long I have been consciously trying to fix myself. I've been broken for so long that I really forgot how it was to just be happy versus faking it. Going to Florida really changed me. I guess I just felt free to be however I wanted to be. There wasn't drama or judgement or stress. I got to be happy and relaxed and free. It was much needed healing time for my relationship with myself and my relationship with someone else.
I felt different when I came back, but it was made more clear to me when the people closest to me said that I looked different, I looked good, that was I was happy and bubbly and SMILING. I feel different about myself and my life too. I like myself now...actually, fuck that, I LOVE myself now! I'm an awesome person, and I enjoy my own company. The only thing I wish is that I could let my guard down all the way and just be me 100% around people. Most people dont get to see it, but I'm random and crazy and I make random sounds and faces and I dance/twirl around my house. I randomly get dressed up, do my hair and put on make up just because I can. And I'm talking prom dress status lol. I get bored and cook random shit...I love to mix things that sound like they shouldnt go together just to see if it'll taste good. I randomly go through everything I own and organize and throw out crap I don't need. I don't like to have a lot of stuff. I like to keep the things I own to a minimum...I don't really know why...I have my guesses, but who really knows. When I'm angry, I like to clean, it gets out my frustration. I have the best and worst memory...I can't remember a lot, but if I do remember it, I'll remember every detail. And if I remember something, it means it had some kind of effect on me.
Yeah I just got totally distracted, but the bottom line would be that I'm feelin myself =]