Wanted: Sparkly, fantastic happiness

Hello all,
It's been far too long since I've written. Things have been so hectic for me! But anyway...

I started this blog over a year ago as a mark for my journey to find clarity and serenity, and to harness my creativity and passion. While I do wish I was a bit more consistent in writing on here, I also have taken it for what it is. My one wish is that I wish I could be a bit more open on this thing. It's not that random people find it, it's that people that I know found this blog as well. And while this isn't a bad thing, it makes it a bit more difficult to be honest when you need to make sense of things and of how you feel when there are eyes and ears everywhere.

Complacency has never been a friend of mine. Because my life has always, and continues to be so hectic, I'm used to chaos and constant change. It's ironic, because my life's dream has been to settle down in one place, grow roots, and lead a normal life. This is still something that I want, but as I climb closer to that dream, I realize that it's not what I need. Complacency is almost like dying for me; in that I just stop feeling passionate, and alive. I guess I'm so used to fighting to keep afloat, or running around putting out fires that I can no longer appreciate a quiet, normal life. This kind of disturbs me.

Over the past year or so, I can say that I've changed a lot. There are a bunch of things, but the most important thing is the fact that I make myself happy, which, if you know me, you know is something HUGE. With making myself happy, I've become stronger, more confident, ready to shine. And here's the thing...I've spent so long in the shadows, and on the side lines that it feels awkward and almost wrong to step into that role. I realized the other day that I've been making myself less sparkly in order to let others shine. I didn't give a fuck when I was younger, and I was the center of attention because of it. I very much need to get back to that girl, its something that's been missing for a while, and I feel that void.

I think this sums it up nicely...
http://1x.com/photos/latest-additions/35333/