a letter to myself

Dear Sam,
Lately you've been kind of a mess. I'm still confused as to why. Slowly, we come to conclusions or we encounter situations that provide some clarity to our life. You are convinced that the answer to most or all questions someone has about themselves is within that person, and you may be right. The problem is, you don't trust yourself enough yet to be able to find those answers. It is only through painful experiences & later conversations that you get the answer you're looking for. Stop looking at other people for the right answer! You have the wonderful gift of intuition that you need to have more faith and confidence in.
Your biggest problem is your self confidence. You have grown so much in these past 4 years, and to look back at it now, through these eyes, makes me want to cry. I am so proud of myself, but why is that so hard to admit? You have gone through A LOT in your life thus far, and most of that you have internalized. If there was ever one wish I could have for myself, it would be for the negative voices to stop dancing around in my head. While you haven't let those go yet, I can say that I am beyond proud that you have let the positive voices dance with the negative (and even overpower them) sometimes.
"you need to stop walking around here like you're not the shit. Look at you, you're maaad cute. So you better start walking around here like you're the shit. Like hey, look at me, I'm Sam and I'm the shit."
"you know who you are, you know what you want, so that puts you into control."
"you're starting to piss me off. you walk around acting like you're weak, and you're not. You've been through a lot of shit, but that makes you stronger, so start acting like it."
"the people that are truly your friends love you and appreciate your existence in their lives"
"you're a beautiful person sam, right down to your core."
"me: why are you staring at me?
him: it's like a beautiful painting that needs to be admired and appreciated."

all of these things...all of these people...have contributed to my awakening. I owe them a lot for that.