This is what I don't understand...
How can someone get into your life, you heart, and your soul so quickly?
It shouldn't be like this. Someone shouldn't be able to affect your moods so quickly and so completely. They shouldn't be able to flip your world with a few words, or an action, or lack there of. And they shouldn't be able to make you so damn happy with the right words or the right action.
How in the hell can I possibly be contemplating putting myself in his hands again? It's like an invitation to get hurt, my mind knows this. But my heart is telling me to do it. I'm so confused. And it's just really hard. I try to fill up my time with other things, but the thought of him always creeps back into my mind. I've spent a whole lot of time thinking about this, and I don't know how I'd be able to get back into this, I'm not 100% positive its the right thing, I'm not really sure of anything anymore. But I know this...
I hurt when he isn't in my life. A smarter person would have left this situation a long time ago, but I've realized this much about myself...
I can't stand "what if's" in my life. I have a need to follow through on things until there is no longer anything to go back to. I guess this, and the fact that I want to believe there is good in everyone causes me to continue putting myself into the same situation.
It may not be right, but I keep crossing the same bridge until we burn it down and there's no way of crossing it anymore.
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I MORE THEN UNDERSTAND WHERE YOU ARE COMING FROM BECAUSE I AM THE EXACT SAME WAY. I KEEP GIVING & GIVING & GIVING UNTIL I HAVE NOTHING ELSE TO GIVE OR UNTIL THE PERSON HURTS ME TO THE POINT OF BASICALLY NO RETURN. IN PAST RELATIONSHIPS I HAVE PUT UP WITH CHEATING & DOMESTIC ABUSE BECAUSE OF HOW MUCH LOVE OR IN LOVE I WAS WITH THE INDIVIDUAL. I HIT A FEW ROCK BOTTOMS BUT UNTIL THEIR WAS NO MORE ENERGY LEFT IN ME & NOTHING LEFT FOR ME TO SEEK THAT IS WHEN I STOPPED & LEFT THE SITUATION ALONE & JUST LET MY HEART HEAL ITSELF. I know how it feels trust me I do. When you made this statement: This is what I don't understand...
ReplyDeleteHow can someone get into your life, you heart, and your soul so quickly?
To answer this for you in my own individual opinion I feel like when love hits love hits. Love doesn't have a tim, age or limit. Love is LOVE to me. It's something unexplainable & when it happens it affects you in any & which way shape or form. Babies love, toddlers love, kids love, teenagers love. adult love, elder people love. I believe that everyone in the universe has love for someone or something else. Their isn't an age that you can fall in love it can happen at anytime. You can't sit their & say okay on Monday May 18th 2009 @ 11:39 a.m. I am going to fall in love with so & so. It just happens & it is a roller coaster ride.
When you stated the following: And they shouldn't be able to make you so damn happy with the right words or the right action.
I feel that their is nothing wrong with you feeling so strongly for someone the only not for sure thing is if they feel the same exact way for you if not more. I don't see anything wrong with two people being all mushy with each other and not being able to get enough of each other I think it's a beautiful thing. I honestly wish that someone loved me the exact same way I loved them if not more. When it's not mutual or when you love someone but someone loves you less that's when it's a problem and things can get really tricky and complicated.
When you stated the following: I hurt when he isn't in my life. A smarter person would have left this situation a long time ago, but I've realized this much about myself...
I can't stand "what if's" in my life.
I completely comprehend you because you don't want to live with regrets. One day when you do find that prince charming (which I know you will) you want to be able to give him your everything because he will be the guy that you can give your everything to. I say forget what anyone else thinks & do what you feel in your heart, because if you sit here & start listening to so & so you won't be living for SAMANTHA. And yeah someone else might've bounced a while ago but everyone in the entire universe is unique & that is what I love about the world. What one person is doing at a certain time period another person is doing something completely different. Keep in mind that everyone has different beliefs, a different past, a different up bringing and thats where their decisions come from. I don't pass judgement especially when it comes to love because I know it's such a sensitive topic. I myself have been in situations where people were looking at me or judging me thinking I was crazy for staying with someone who was no good for me. But when I got to see things on my own and make my own decisions thats when I decided to walk away from the situation. I am also a strong believer that people have to learn & experience things on their own to fall down and pick themselves back up. if you feel like you want to give him another chance & your heart is telling you that's the right thing for you to do then do it & have no regrets about it & if it doesn't work then it doesn't work. But you're still young and you don't have much to loose. It's not like you're married to him or have his kids that's when things are a little more complicated then just being able to give him another chance.
When you stated the following: I guess this, and the fact that I want to believe there is good in everyone
I FEEL THE SAME. No one in this universe is perfect & won't ever be perfect & i do believe that everyone has a good side to them even if it's 1%. The only thing that sucks is that you may know that they are good people but they might not have enough confidence within themselves to realize this for themselves. I feel that because of certain situations that people have gone through in their lives they feel less capable of giving their all to someone especially when it comes to males. A female will get hurt & still be able to love. A male on the other hand will get hurt & close themselves off. I'm not saying that the same can't be said for females but it's more likely in males. One thing that I hold a lot of pride for is that despite everything I have ever went through because everyone has their own individual, unique story I don't loose the will to love & i don't ever want to loose it. Love to me is beautiful & if both people are willing to work at it and make that dedication to each other it can function very well. I feel that situations like this are a compromise. The best advice that I can give you is TO LIVE FOR SAM & DO WHAT YOU WANT TO DO BECAUSE IT FEELS RIGHT TO YOU. EVEN IF YOU AREN'T 100% SURE OF SOMETHING TAKE A CHANCE SEE WHERE IT TAKES YOU. LIFE IS TOO SHORT TO FOCUS ON WHAT YOU CAN LOOSE HOW ABOUT JUST DOING SO AND LETTING IT BE WHAT EVER IT IS SUPPOSED TO BE BECAUSE ALL HAPPENS FOR A REASON AT THE END OF THE DAY.
P.S. SAM I LOVE WHAT YOU WRITE I FEEL LIKE WE DO HAVE SO MUCH IN COMMON THEN WE EVER EVEN KNEW AND YOU ARE SUCH A BEAUTIFUL PERSON ON THE INSIDE AND THE OUT. YOU WILL SHINE.
ReplyDeleteSAMANTHA LEE BINGENHEIMER & SASHA NO MIDDLE NAME SANTIAGO,
ReplyDeleteYou both to me just said some really deep things that touched my core. I actually got emotional while reading your post Sam and your comment Sasha. Both of you are soooooo right I feel like on the topic of love we all talk about no don't go back with him he hurt you, and why is it that he can make you feel every kind of emotion in the book? and yet you stay confused on how he feels about you. I think that is what is important about Loving someone is that you are clear of each other's feelings and that you are not left with a sense of being uneven. It bothers me too how one moment a person could be someone so ordinary and turn into something so significant with one action or with a few words but then again it makes me happy because they can bring you sooo much happiness with the time that they are there. That is what we live for that happiness that other person brings to you with their actions and their words how it is unknowing and then BOOM in your face they are with emotions, a sense of love and care. There is nothing wrong with taking chances with your heart because there will always be someone who can fix it, whether it be yourself, friends or even another person who isn't even in the picture yet. Live for Love, Live for the Happiness, Live for Life, because you can only get that one time. Your and awesome individual Sam and one day I know that you will find that guy who will make you feel every emotion possible and maintain that leverage of Happiness that you need.<3 you!