I've realized that I've become far too dependent on the internet. I have a serious facebook addiction, and I've become addicted to writing in this blog. I also use it to check my bank account, the weather, and times for buses and trains.
I realized all of this this weekend when I was without internet. I honestly was lost on what to do at my house. Since I don't have cable, I've read almost every book I own, and I've watched every DVD I own like 800 times. I find it sad that I'm so dependent on the internet. Although, we are a computer generation. But still...it shouldn't be all that disruptive to someone's life to not have internet connection.
The events of this weekend...
Kahlil tried to get it in, but I shut him down. 1. Because I had plans already. 2. Because he asked me what I was doing for the night at 10 PM, I feel that it's extremely disrespectful for a guy to hit you up last minute, make a frickin plan with a girl. 3. Because I've noticed that if I hit him up, I never get a text or call in return. The only time I hear from him is when he wants to talk or wants to chill. It's not cute.
I started working today! YAY moneyyyyy!!! WOOOOO!!! lol. But yeah I also found out the extent of Jonathan's ex's crazyness from a co-worker today. I also found out that everyone at stop and shop thought me and Jonathan were dating, and they are all gossiping about us. It's weird to be there and know that people are talking about me. Like really...can you get a life? You don't even know me. And this guy Bill from work who is 35, has a son, is not attractive, kind of sketchy, has a girlfriend that works in the store who stares me down, and likes to fuck anything that moves has been hitting on me hardcore again. It's gross. Ur old, creepy, and with someone. He tried to kiss me today, best believe I got out of that situation is a hurry! I almost find it funny...life is like "oh you want a guy? Ok, here's one. He's creepy as hell, have FUN!" lol I'm convinced life is flipping me off.
I drank with my asian(aka Jia) and my bff last night. And we had just been discussing how we hadn't gotten into so much as an argument since 6th grade, and what happened? We got into...I don't know if I'd call it a fight, but definitely a big disagreement. She thinks I hate her now or something, but I told her that no matter what she does, even if I don't agree with it, I will always love her. To me, a best friend means that you'd do anything for that person. That you love them so much it hurts. I love her, and while I don't agree with everything she does, I'll always be there for her. God knows she's put me back together time and again, and rarely have I ever heard 'I told you so' from her. She's the only person I can truly depend on in this world. When everyone else has failed me, and abandoned me, she's always been there. I love her so much that it hurts. There's nothing I wouldn't do for her. We're tighter than blood. She IS my family, and I don't want her to ever think otherwise. And she admitted to me last night that she's scared that someone at school will replace her. I acknowledge that it's a legitimate fear for her, cuz its my fear that I'll get replaced. But in her case, it seems ridiculous. I guess she doesn't quite understand just how much I freakin love her. Yes, I'm connected to my family by DNA, but Susie is my family. I love her unconditionally. I just wish I could somehow convey this to her and put her fears at ease. Yes, I have a best friend up at school, as well as a few VERY good friends, but all of my friendships are different from each other. And maybe one day my friendships with other people might be equal to the one I have with her, but for the for-see-able future, she has been my family, my best friend, my everything for the past 8 years. That means a lot, especially to me, the girl that finds it hard to trust, and who believes letting people all the way in is an invitation to get seriously hurt. I guess I'm dependent on her. Not for my happiness, and its not like i need her to simply live my life, but I'm dependent on her because everyone needs at least one person that they trust truly and completely with out a doubt in their mind.
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A friend of mine told me something last week that really hit home she said the following: "sometimes you need to think about yourself with the support of others" I understand that you & your friend got into an argument but maybe you should suggest her reading this blog to get a better understanding of just how much you appreciate her in your life. I don't think that you blogging everyday is a bad idea I think it's great therapy and reflection on yourself and all that surrounds you. As far as facebook, now you know why i deleted my account. I stopped putting my life as a show for others. Those who are really truly a part of my life will catch me on my cell phone or private email or this blog. But make decisions that are best for you. And congrats with the job.
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