Clarity

Well yesterday wasn't particularly fun, but I am glad to say today was better.

To the world, I don't wear my heart on my sleeve, but to the people closest to me, I pretty much offer up my heart. It's good, because it means I'm not closed off, but it's bad because it's an easy way to get it broken.
I've been realizing that I can't do it anymore. I've gotta close myself off until I can find a better way to be. Because I've been on a non-stop emotional roller coaster for weeks now, and I honestly just don't have the energy to do it anymore.
I watched my good friend hysterically cry over a boy today. And as I tried (unsuccessfully) to make her feel better, I realized that I was like that a few weeks ago. I was the one curled up, balling my eyes out because of a guy. Why do other people have such an intense affect on us?
I'm so confused about what to do with this boy...he bitches and complains about me not calling/texting for a few days, and he says it's shady. He is the last person who should be talking about anything being shady. My friend keeps telling me to just leave him and the whole situation alone. And part of me really wants to. It makes no sense to fight so hard for something that never really got started. But idk...part of me wants to fight for it, cuz it could be really good.
I don't know what people want from me. If I don't call enough, I get bitched at. But with other people, if I hit them up a lot, its weird.
I've come to the conclusion that I may just have to walk away from this situation. It's a vicious cycle that never ends. One person is happy and one isn't. We try to push past our problems, and it isn't working. And he apparently is not capable of having a straightforward conversation about our problems, or how he feels. I like him probably too much for the short amount of time that has passed, but I can't sacrifice my own happiness because maybe this could be something great. I don't know if this is the right thing to do or not, but I guess I'm gonna try.
I'm thinking about just detracting from my social life and working on myself. Cuz although I'm not depressed anymore, I still feel like a mess. I feel like I'm blindly and aimlessly stumbling through every part of my life, and it's been a while since I've felt this off balance.