Ok...so today apparently I need to write multiple blogs.
Do you ever get into one of those moods where you feel like you're just a mess?
It sucks when you just feel like your whole world is crumbling down around you, and all you can do is watch it happen.
Most times, I can just brush off things that happen, or I'll get mad for a little and then I get over it. But sometimes...it's just hard to shake some feelings. I feel like one big giant mess lately. Some times I just get scared that I'm heading nowhere. I can't take the thought of that. I need to make something of myself...mostly for myself, but also to prove some people wrong.
You know how you have a voice in your head...which for most people is their moral center I guess. You have a voice in the back of your head that says that if you do this, you know it's the wrong thing, or something like that. The voice in the back of my head is my mother's. If I get into a giant fight with a friend, or break-up with a guy, I hear that voice saying "See...I told you. No one wants you in their life. And no one is going to love you" or it's another voice saying "See...you know things are never this easy for you. You know it's never just happily ever after, the end." I know that everyone has their struggles, and no one's life is perfect, but it seems like I have to fight tooth and nail for every little bit of happiness that I get. Idk...maybe I get in my own way of being happy, or maybe my life really sucks that much, but...if it is me, I don't know how to fix that.
As much as I'd like to say the my whole drama with my mom no longer affects me, it does. I guess I don't really realize how much it affects me until I start to write about it. For some reason, verbally telling people about it doesn't bother me. I can go through all the shit that's happened like I was telling them about the weather. But when I write it....it just brings up a lot of emotions that I can't actually deal with.
I just don't know anymore. =/
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I completely understand where you are coming from and I feel like as females we have to know our self-worth and know that we are bigger and better. Their is nothing wrong with love I believe it's a beautiful thing but sometimes we just need to know when to put ourselves 1st and that person 2nd. You have to be your main priority because if not you will be crying half the time. Like i said on my introductory blog the world doesn't start crumbling on ourselves until we let it. SAM YOU ARE A BEAUTIFUL PERSON AND I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT. REGARDLESS OF WHAT PEOPLE MAY SEE, MAY SAY OR MAY ASSUME ABOUT YOU. I met you during summer orientation and ever since then we have been friends and now we have the EQUILIBRIUM. I want you to know that if you ever feel that down you can talk to the EQUILIBRIUM BECAUSE YOU KNOW WE GOT YOU AND WE WON'T LET YOU DOWN NOR JUDGE. KEEP DOING WHAT YOU NEED TO DO FOR YOU BECAUSE WITH-OUT YUR HAPPINESS YOU CAN'T EVER MAKE ANYONE ELSE TRULY HAPPY. LOVE YOU SAM A LAMA.
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