Awaiting The Day...

Missed a few days...
The past few days have been such an overload of events. But I can honestly say, I've enjoyed almost all of it. These past few days have been spectacular, I finished my last final on Wednesday afternoon, and I got drunk with my friends that night, and then I got lifted with them on Thursday night =] A lot of memories were made in just a few nights.

I just got home...and almost everyone was excited to go home...I really wasn't. There isn't anything for me here. I honestly don't see a reason to be here at all. I mean...school...there isn't a lot for me there either, but it's better than home.
I honestly HATE being home. If I'm not getting into a verbal fight with my mom, it's a physical fight. I'm so tired of having to be the adult. I have to worry about how I'm going to pay for school, I have to be on her ass about doing her taxes just so I can get financial aid, I'm the one worrying about the fact that we're really behind on our rent. I'm 20 years old, and most days, I feel like I'm 50. I'm just so tired of being the adult. It started when I was 8 years old and my dad left. I remember after that happened, I found my mother crying in the bathroom, and I wiped away her tears, and I don't know what I said to her, but it made her stop crying. Since then, I've been reminding her that she needs to pay the bills, or buy food, or do this or do that. Why did I get forced into being the mother?
So yes, I enjoy school a lot more than I do being home. Because at school, I get to be me, I don't have to worry about someone hitting me, or making me feel like total and complete shit, I don't have to worry about having a place to live, I can be me, and I can be 20 years old and be a little reckless.
This is a chapter that I've lived in for the past 12 years, and I just want it to end. The day that I have a job and an apartment will be the happiest, joy filled, stress-relieving day of my life. I can't do this anymore. I can't hold up my mom and myself anymore.