Yeah, I don't know...

The two things that never fail me is music and writing. Lately, I've just been stuck. I can't write, and when I do, I'm not satisfied with it. I have so much in me that I want to say. I want to be able to express every single emotion I feel in a way that will impact someone's life, make them see the world through my eyes, or even bring them to tears because they realize things they never have before. I want so badly to write it all down, I feel like it would relieve some of the weight on my chest.

I can't shake the feeling that the person that people see me as is not who I believe I am. I don't really know how people see me, but I have so much in me that I wish could shine through. These days I feel uncomfortable in my own skin.

I'm so tired of being overlooked. No matter what people say, a first glance at someone determines something. I just want to run around screaming. Normally, I don't mind being in the background, letting other people shine, but I want my time to shine!! I want people to notice me! I want to stop wanting people I can't have. I want to be happy with myself, I want to succeed!!! I want to stop being so insecure. I want to say I'm going to do something and actually stick to it! I WANT TO BE HAPPY!!!!!!! I wanna say fuck every bitch that ever made me feel like I was less than I am. I don't want to keep my feelings and my thoughts to myself, I want a drama free existence. I want to stop feeling like I care about/put in more effort than most of my friends. I want to stop living in the past. I want to stop feeling like if I was stuck between a rock and a hard place, most of the people in my life wouldnt be there for me. I want to stop feeling awkward. I want to stop hating my life and myself. I want to stop feeling like I'm a passing phase in someone's life.
People meet me, get close to me, and then find one of my friends that they become closer to and I'm just standing there like what the fuck. I want to get what I want from time to time. I don't want to have to fight and scratch and crawl and climb to get every single thing in my life.

Life likes to throw punches, and then kick me when I'm down. I've taken my hits, I've paid my dues, but it still doesn't seem to be enough. Usually, I'm fall apart immediately. I'm done doing that(or at least I shall try). I'm gonna be here til the world crumbles around me. Some people are meant to be tested, tried, and to suffer. It's not fair, but it's what it is. And if I'm meant to be one of those people...well that sucks, but I'm not gonna take it laying down. I'm gonna fight unhappiness til the day I die, because I want/need/know I deserve better than that.