It's been a very long time since I've posted anything on here. Taking advice from a friend, I am going to start blogging again.
For me, 2010 represents new possibilities, realizations, truth, and letting go.
So, in that spirit...
To most people who pass me by on the street, I'm just some fat chick with a pretty face. You never really stop to think that there's actually a person with feelings, emotions, problems, friends, and family walking past you. Some people don't have the decency to keep their comments to themselves. People make jokes at another person's expense.
What these people passing me by on the street don't know is that they could never judge me more than I judge myself. I would love to say that their words don't affect me, but they expect that their words are some kind of eye opener to me, when really they are only confirming fears I had about myself. Fears that have been companions of mine since a very early age.
People's comments became my fear. I had enough to deal with without having to hear what complete strangers thought of me.
I don't know how it happened, but recently I've been gaining more confidence. This is/has been my biggest issue; I've never had an ounce of confidence in myself. Instead of seeing anything positive about the way I looked, I only saw all the negatives. That lack of self confidence seeped into the way in which I viewed the person that I was/am. It made it impossible for me to be confident in any way, shape, or form.
I'm slowly starting to change that for myself. And as crazy as it seems, it's scary. I've always known self-doubt. I've always thought the worst of myself and when someone saw something in me that they liked, it was a welcome surprise. and to be honest, I'm terrified of thinking highly of myself to then be told that I'm not as pretty, as funny, as smart, or as good as I might think I am. It takes so much for me to say anything positive about myself. I gotta try to work on it though...
Sorry this one was so long, but we had some catching up to do. And it's also the 1st of the year, gotta start off strong.
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WELCOME BACK SAM-A-LAMA. I AM HAPPY TO SEE YOU BACK ON THE SITE AND EXCITED FOR ALL THE ENDLESS POSSIBILITIES THAT WILL COME YOUR WAY IN 2010 AS WE TRY IT AGAIN. This line in particular struck a cord for me “I don't know how it happened, but recently I've been gaining more confidence.” Honestly do not even sit their and try to question it just except it for what it is. Maybe subconsciously your brain said fuck it well try something new for a change and roll with it. Having that confidence in yourself which no one else can give you is a beautiful thing and it feels good when you come full circle. I am PROUD OF YOU AND HOW FAR YOU HAVE COME and I like this NEW SAM-A-LAMA THAT IS BLOSSOMING LIKE NO OTHER. Honestly the day we all stop comparing ourselves to others etc... is when we truly see that personal self-growth and it is a powerful thing. You need to continue this POSITIVE BEHAVIOR AND LIKE YOU SAID YOURSELF “it's also the 1st of the year, gotta start off strong.” My wish for you is to CONTINUE STRONG.
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