Opening up

For months, I have been seriously depressed. I don't know that anyone knew unless I told them, but I was. It got so bad at one point that I was cutting myself. That's not ok, and I really have no idea how I got to that point.
Like I said earlier, I am trying to gain more confidence in myself, but sometimes, it fails me and I am still the same insecure person I've always been. I'm trying my best, but I have my days.
During this depression, I closed myself off to emotion. The only emotions that I would feel were sadness or anger. My life has always been a lot to handle, so the way I deal with things is to have an initial reaction, and then to shove it to the back of my mind. It was always my first instict, probably a self preservation thing. Now that I am trying to change, I'm trying to let myself FEEL things. And it's kind of scary. I'm happy, and I'm sad. Because I've held so much in, my emotions come in tidal waves, its like a roller coaster ride that I would very much like to get off of. I'm gonna stick out as best I can, gotta make it through the storm before you can get to the sunshine.