The Road Not Taken May Not Be The Right Road...

It's funny how you can change so much in only a year. Last year at this time, I was a girl who threw herself into new relationships with everything she had; always giving too much too soon. Always optimistic that a relationship with cracks could be mended, or that a new love was just around the corner. This girl looked at most people as a possibility in love, knowing that the things that truly do matter now and 50 years from now, are the things you only find out by being a part of someone's life. This girl was always willing to take that leap of faith. My track record in the love department isn't very good. My relationships ignite and flare but then quickly go out. It's a long series of stories that pretty much end the same. The guy last summer wasn't necessarily any more important than any of the others in my past, but he was certainly the straw that broke the camel's back. After him, I simply stopped caring, stopped trying, and even stopped looking for any possibilities. It was as if my mind and my heart had finally come to an agreement and said "enough is enough." For the next year, I didn't look and I shied away from the romantic opportunities that came knocking on my door. Truthfully, I just couldn't bear to have the same thing happen yet again. It wasn't the actual loss of the person at the time that hurt the most, it's the fact that they were instantly passionate about me and just as quickly the passion is gone. How is it that this keeps happening? I wonder what it is about me that makes or invites this to happen. Now, a year later, when the walls have built up high and the draw bridge is shut tight and there are sentries standing guard should anyone be so bold as to try and break in, there's this guy, who for some reason, has caught my attention. He wants to take me out, and I'm downright terrified. But see this isn't all bad. I had thought for quite some time that I needed to slow down and be by myself and stop looking for something. However, I've gone from one extreme to another. I know they say "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger," and sometimes I believe it, but most of the time I feel it makes you weaker. You've been assaulted by life one too many times, and it feels as if it will always turn out the same way, so why even bother? After a long talk and much convincing by my best friend, I've decided to go on the date...probably. Pretty much every inspirational phrase out there has been said to me a dozen or more times over the course of my life, so they've really lost their sentiment. But I guess when it comes down to it, I have a choice: A. Get back on the horse, and pray this works out better than the last. B. Continue to be by myself and hope I'll be in a better place soon to date someone.